stop shrinking
honesty unlocks presence, presence creates your dream life
It’s exhausting
Rise and grind. Drink more black coffee. Send cold DMs. Build 10 agents or you’re part of the permanent underclass.
You’ve been sold something. It didn’t cost you money, but you’re still paying for it. This world put a moral premium on working harder. Four hours of sleep became a badge of honor.
The thing is, most of this advice is from single 22 year old single dude living the nomad live from Thailand.
Alright. You go, girl.
The stark reality for many dads is this: it feels like there is no time. None. Despite your best efforts, you can’t break the auotpilot cycle. That voice in your head that says “I need to be doing something more important right now.”
This is where hustle culture clashes with fatherhood.
Being a dad calls for presence, thoughtful planning, and consistent execution. None of this is what’s touted by the success gurus. Read more. Cold plunge more. Edit more. Commit to more. Clickbait more. More. More. More.
Now for the great news: you can just stop listening to them. Dads live at a different speed (and more authentic, too). Urgency is still required, but a father prioritizes what’s right and acts accordingly.
Below is a map of what happened to me. And how to claw your way out of it.
The Provider Trap
Most men build a life that looks right from the outside. I know I did. Good job. Stable home. Present enough.
You’re actually called to do more than just provide.
Stick with me, because this is hard to hear if you’re financially struggling even a little bit. Don’t grin and bear a ‘decent’ job.
If you resign yourself to ‘enough’, your unused potential will eat you alive. And your family notices that.
What follows from ‘good enough’ is self-editing. You forget that teenager who wanted to buy the abandoned diner and convert it into a design studio. The kid who drew pictures of houses with 12-car garages.
Somewhere in the last decade or two, it slipped from your imagination. Too much risk. Too much of whatever got punished early on.
You become edited. And editing never adds, it removes. You become smaller.
Over time the edited version becomes the default. Your wife sees the life drain from your eyes. Your kids learn to live small.
Is There More In Me?
This is an authenticity question. And the answer is yes. The ‘more’ in you isn't about achievement; it's about the parts of yourself you've shelved.
The opinions you swallow. The version of you that existed before you learned to be convenient.
The best part about this question is that it doesn’t diminish who you are TODAY. No shaming. No “I could have been there by now if I just started earlier.”
It’s an acknowledgement that you don’t have to shrink anymore. You can expand.
The Cost of Staying Small
Playing it safe feels like stability. Your family needs stability, but they also need your complete presence. There's a difference between a man who is at peace and a man who is just going through the motions.
I’m on this journey with you. Maybe this article is the first thing that has made sense in a while.
Over the next few months, paid subscribers will get access to in depth explorations of how to apply this advice. I’ll be testing it myself, live. Come along for the ride (for less than a few cups of coffee a month).
Join the paid tier and get the first issue of the Be Tremendous as soon as it drops.
Please don’t take this as a call to hustle more. It's a call to honesty. Show up as your unedited version. Have the hard conversation. Admit the dream. Take the risk that's been sitting in the back of your mind for years. This is the way you build everything you used to dream of.
We’ve got this. You’ve got this.
-Tony